My Little Duke

Act Two.

Blogging, Motherhood, FaithSteph DukeComment

God has been taking me on quite a journey over the last 18 months or so. The life I’m living right now looks completely different to the one that I imagined I’d be living. My life looks so different in fact, that I would have laughed out loud if someone had told me that at just 29 years of age, I would quit my full-time, permanent teaching job because God told me to! I would never have believed that I’d be working from home: blogging, creating paid content online and curating a motherhood journal. I couldn’t have ever even dreamed that I’d get to be the mum who walks her daughter to school every morning and picks her up again when school ends. Me hosting a women’s weekend retreat?! Not a chance! I would never have ever thought I could do something like that … yet God did. Praise God that He got my attention during a season of my life that was headed for disaster. My rollercoaster cart was running at high-speed round a well-worn track. It never stopped. All day, every day it was whizzing round and round, twisting and turning. And the wheels were starting to wear thin. Just as my cart was ready to come right off the tracks … God stepped in. 

For an awfully long time I lived my life trying to be everything to everyone. This was especially prevalent in my job as a teacher. I was on a constant mission of seeking approval. Deep down my heart was in the right place, but my actions flowed out of a wrong personal desire. If I’m totally honest, even though I called myself a Christian, I wasn’t seeking to glorify God. I was seeking to glorify myself. I played many roles as I performed Act One of my life. I was the Playwright in charge of penning the script. I was Director too, with the mindset that as long as I continually tried to control the unfolding of my pages, things would work out ok. How wrong I was. Finally I was also the Actor who was sometimes so worn out from all the writing and directing jobs I’d given myself, that I had no energy left to actually be present and act out the life I’d been striving so damn hard to create!  But thankfully God has rewritten the scenes in Act Two. I’ve come through a really tough process of learning how to hand over the reigns, how to submit control and let God be the master craftsman – exactly what He ought to always be. And I must clarify here that I am still learning. I’m not yet at the place of total daily submission. It’s not yet a learned behaviour. I am really trying though. My default mode is always to revert back to ‘control’. It’s my coping mechanism and my well-worn pathway. Yet now I know how dangerous it is to allow myself to live and operate out of that place. It doesn’t make it any easier for me to stop and hand stuff to God mind you, but I’m becoming more and more inclined to do so in this new season. 

So how did I get to this new season? If I can summarise it for you, it would look something like this. I ended up off work for a number of months because of a horrible incident involving a pupil at school. I’m grateful to God that I wasn’t hurt and that it wasn’t my fault. However, it jolted me out of my high-speed rollercoaster cart and forced me to sit a’while with God. In this quiet place - away from the hustle and away from the noise - suddenly it was just God and I. I tried to ignore His gentle whisper but I knew we really needed to talk. There was a lot of stuff that wasn’t (and still isn’t) right. When I finally (after several months) chose to listen … He changed my world. He gave me such a clear word about quitting my job that I felt I didn’t have a choice not to. I received this word when I was at my absolute lowest; down on my knees, crying out to God in desperation one afternoon. It was a day when I felt like I had no-one to talk to and no-where to turn. I felt trapped, isolated and frightened about my situation in school and could not cope being so out of control. I feared the past, the present and the future in those moments before God spoke. I shouted at Him “WHY!” and furiously questioned “What are you doing God?!” Yet as soon as I heard His voice, everything changed. There would be no going back. 

I allowed myself to crumble and fall to pieces on that floor, that day. And in His goodness and grace, God picked up each and every broken piece of me and began to put my puzzle back together again. He is in the business of doing that you know? Fixing broken things, broken people. He is still fixing me. Still moulding me into the person He sees me becoming. It’s all about perspective you see. God sees the big picture. We see but a mere fraction of our puzzle. We get so hung up on that tiny portion of our life when God is trying to lift our eyes off ourselves and our circumstances, and onto Him. When we focus on who He is … not on who we are or what we are doing, perspective changes.

I still lose perspective, even in this season. Despite knowing and trusting God’s plans and purposes for my life – I still lose perspective sometimes. I still try and get that old rollercoaster cart moving again. It’s habit you see. Those pathways are well travelled. The territory is too familiar.  But there is a big difference in me this season. Instead of seeking to glorify myself, my goal is to always bring glory to Him. If I mess up, I come right back to the foot of the cross every time and I start all over again. Before, I would never have stopped for a moment to even allow God near.  I would have convinced myself that I didn’t need Him around, that I was fine on my own, that I was totally ‘in control’. Now, if I catch myself attempting to take control I run straight to God and surrender myself to Him all over again. It frightens me how quickly old patterns can creep back in and how the enemy waits ready to pounce like a lion when we have a weak moment. So my challenge this season is to continue to allow God to work in me, no matter what the cost, no matter how hard it feels sometimes. There is so much ‘unknown’ about my life right now but I face it with certainty for I know and trust the hand that puts the pen to my paper and writes the pages of my play. Act Two … I’m ready for you! 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29 v 11

steph duke.PNG

Lay a really good table.

Faith, TravelSteph Duke1 Comment

A few months ago I felt a burden on my heart to create a space for women to encounter God. It was a no-brainer where this space would be ... Hill House in Sligo. 


This season has been one where I've been trying to be obedient to what I feel the Lord is leading me into. It hasn't been easy. I've felt conflict in my spirit over finances, my marriage, motherhood and my ability to be any sort of useful vessel for God to use. But God has been faithful. If he places something on my heart and confirms it over and over again, it's a very simple choice for me to make. Do it. 

So when I got in touch with a few girls about a Spiritual Retreat in Sligo, I shouldn't have been surprised at their responses.

Yes. Yes. YES. A million times YES.

This time, this space, this place where exactly what was needed, at exactly the right time for these women, and also for me.

I needed to be brave, to step up and to lead, regardless of my own feelings of inadequacy. I had absolutely no need to doubt because God so graciously confirmed this weekend in the most incredible ways. But as usual, I let my own fears run riot in my mind, instead of focusing on what I was called to do and just getting on with it. 

And the other girls, well ... it took such courage and commitment to agree to come away for the weekend (they didn't even know each other) that I wanted to ensure that they felt right at home. God's promise was to "provide peace" (Haggai 2 v 9) at the retreat and he had prepared a place especially for each of us. All we had to do was show up.  Typical me wanted to be Martha again, to do all the stuff! Yet in all my striving and panicking to ensure the girls were well-fed, pampered, relaxed, encouraged and equipped, I was reminded that any work or ministry for God must begin from a place of total surrender. Once I let go of "self" and handed everything to God, I had no need to strive, no need to panic. This was all God's idea. I needed to accept that anything I brought to the table was not in my own strength, but from a servant heart, completely reliant on God. With open hands and a compassionate heart I prepared for the retreat.  

I spent some time alone with God a few weeks beforehand on a solo retreat to Sligo and got lots of the biblical prep done then. Our focus verse was Romans 15 v 13. 

 Lettering print by Megan @growingracelettering

Lettering print by Megan @growingracelettering

In His goodness, God connected the pieces of the puzzle together so beautifully during the weekend. The places we visited where timely reminders of Paul's prayer to all believers and God's presence was tangible wherever we went. God was interested in the tiniest details of this retreat and I could feel His guiding hand even as I planned the itinerary. Amazing. 

Practically, I was able to provide the girls with their own lake-view room, bedlinen and Neal's Yard treats to enjoy.


The girls also received some stationery bits n' bobs too!


On arrival at Hill House on the Friday afternoon we all took time to get settled, unpacked and grab a cuppa. The living space has a stunning view of Lake Loughanelteen - such a wonderful way to begin to rest and unwind. 

 The view of the lake from the living area balcony

The view of the lake from the living area balcony

After a cuppa, the sun made an appearance so I took the girls for a quick tour of the space. Hill House is part of the larger West of Ireland Centre that belongs to my in-laws. The area spans 55 acres and is tucked safely away beneath the mountains - a truly unique place to escape and retreat away from the hustle and noise of our busy lives. Knowing the surroundings meant that the girls could take time to explore and enjoy the tranquil surroundings whenever they wanted to.


We enjoyed some time chatting and relaxing before it was time for me to get the dinner on - Mango Chicken was on the menu! I am still super grateful that Denby Pottery very kindly gifted some dinnerware from their beautiful Studio Blue range. What an absolute treat! Laying a really good table was made easy with such stunning pieces. 


There is something really special about good conversation around a table isn't there? We chatted, ate and chatted some more, so much so that time was nearly away from us and we had lots more planned for the evening! 


Following dinner we enjoyed a brilliant brush lettering workshop by Megan from @growingracelettering. Megan expertly shared her talents and tips and we soon got into the swing of it. I may or may not have gotten quite competitive by the end!! This was such a lovely way to bring Friday evening towards a close. Megan regularly hosts lettering workshops if you live in Northern Ireland and fancy trying your hand at it. I was surprisingly hooked by the end! Check Meg out on her instagram for her next workshop dates. 

 See my  IG  story highlights for some live video footage!

See my IG story highlights for some live video footage!

 Zoe's  IG  story :) 

Zoe's IG story :) 


By the time we had finished our lettering prints it was almost time for bed! I'd originally planned for some pampering for Friday night but saved that for Saturday evening instead. I was definitely optimistic about timings during the weekend! I'll know that for next time! 

Before bed we had a short group session and I shared a little of my heart behind the retreat and what we would focus on over the coming days. Then we concluded day one with worship, no better way to end what had been a beautiful day. 

On Saturday morning the girls could wake up and grab breakfast any time before 11am. It was home from home - just work away in the kitchen and make whatever took your fancy. We had pre-organised to each bring some groceries, so there were lots of breakfast options!  I was up early getting some prep in for our morning group session. Although I knew what I wanted to say, God kept downloading fresh truth that I wanted to make sure I articulated correctly to the girls. 

 That Denby bowl though! 

That Denby bowl though! 


What a lovely breakfast enjoying the peace and the view! By this stage we were all feeling rested and relaxed. It was now time to get ready for another group session before heading out for the afternoon. Saturday's session started with a really beautiful time of worship, followed by a short teaching time. We learned about living in overflow and the importance of being a conduit for Christ - an open-ended vessel that allows God to continually flow in as we continually pour out. More importantly, we discovered that when we operate our life in overflow we can change the landscape around us. Thank you Charlotte for your wisdom in this.  

 Zoe spotted this while out shopping on Saturday afternoon. I just love how God gives us visual reminders that He's near and He's interested in our everyday. We studied the dandelion and propagation just a few hours before! 

Zoe spotted this while out shopping on Saturday afternoon. I just love how God gives us visual reminders that He's near and He's interested in our everyday. We studied the dandelion and propagation just a few hours before! 

Then it was time for lunch! I took the girls into Sligo town to Kate's Kitchen to eat and then for a few hours shopping. I let them loose while I enjoyed a coffee and some prep time in my favourite bakery. 

 Kate's Kitchen, Sligo

Kate's Kitchen, Sligo

The retail therapy was followed by a trip to Glencar Waterfall. The whole Glencar area is breathtakingly beautiful. The landscape and scenery are just incredible - well, well worth a visit, and the waterfall itself is a hugely popular tourist spot. I've been numerous times now, but this time felt really special. Once again, there was a real sense that God was near - the air was cool and crisp and we stopped and savoured the moment.  

 Awh. These girls!

Awh. These girls!

There was only time for a quick stop back at Hill House to freshen up before heading out to another one of my favourite spots - Rosses Point. We enjoyed dinner at The Driftwood, followed by a beach walk, before returning home for a cuppa and some pampering! It was Neal's Yard mini facials and head massages all round!

 Rosses Point

Rosses Point

Sunday morning was another slow morning. We were so relaxed by this point that we decided just to do our group session in our pyjamas! God began to tie everything so beautifully together and we spent time being ministered to, taking communion and praying together -  just worshipping at the feet of Jesus. It will be one of those special times of encounter that I don't think I'll ever forget. 

Still in our pyjamas at noon, we set off for our mountain walk! Yes, in our pjs! Having this scenery in the back yard of Hill House still blows me away. Views of 'The Sleeping Giant' on one side and Lough Gill on the other. From the top of the mountain you can even see the sea stretched out in the distance!

 Zoe taking in the view of 'The Sleeping Giant' - half in Co. Leitrim, half in Co. Sligo

Zoe taking in the view of 'The Sleeping Giant' - half in Co. Leitrim, half in Co. Sligo

 Stunning views of Lough Gill

Stunning views of Lough Gill

 Jesus, sweet Jesus

Jesus, sweet Jesus

Our final stop before our retreat came to an end was Strandhill. The girls were especially excited to visit Shells Seaside Bakery, Cafe & Little Shop after hearing so much about it! It certainly did not disappoint. We made a quick stop after lunch at Hill House and Strandhill was absolutely buzzing ... there was jazz playing on the bandstand and the sun peeped out from behind the clouds just long enough for us to drink our coffee and watch the surfers. This felt like the perfect way to end our weekend!


I'm still a little overwhelmed by the whole experience if I'm honest. I felt called to lay a really good table for God. To provide a space and a place that welcomed others to come and enter in to God's presence. The table (literal and metaphorical) was and is, representative of God's presence, a place of ENCOUNTER. And as I've typed this post I've been reminded once again that I'm back where I began ... back at the place of surrender. I bring NOTHING to the table, except all that has been given to me by God. Any of my giftings, abilities or passions have been mercifully given to me and I am THANKFUL. And I have never been more aware of stewarding them well.   

There has already been interest in another retreat ... at this stage I have two possibilities:

1. Come Undone (spiritual retreat)

2. Escape to the West (non-spiritual retreat)

The finer details (cost/date) are yet to be finalised but if you are interested in either retreat, or have any questions, please email me  on 

On a final note I must thank my wonderful in-laws for allowing us to use Hill House and the girls for bravely joining me on this West of Ireland adventure! There is a whole lot more Sligo to see ... we barely scratched the surface ... 

12 magical hours in London

Travel, Motherhood, BloggingSteph DukeComment

This week Phoebe, my mum and I took a whirlwind trip to London. A few weeks beforehand, we had been invited to take part in a campaign for VTech’s latest toy release: Myla the Magical Make-up Unicorn. The campaign included an exciting workshop in the Unicorn Theatre in London for Phoebe to enjoy and she would also receive her very own Myla. I remember instantly checking flights to see if I could get any cheap enough (and within the budget of our payment for doing the advertisement.) When I did, the decision was easy! I checked if mum fancied coming along and we booked the flights soon after. It would be an early flight and a long day for Phoebe but I was hopeful that she could manage. The excitement of the travel and the theatre would hopefully distract her from feeling too tired.

As the day approached, I made sure that we had a plan of action! Phoebe’s slot at the theatre was at 10am-12noon so we needed to be off the plane and onto the train from Stansted fairly sharpish! Our morning flight was from Belfast International at 6.05am and we landed in Stansted ahead of schedule. The buggy arrived off the plane quickly too and we were able to hot-foot it down to catch the 7.41am Stansted Express train into London. Phoebe coped brilliantly with the early start. I’d prepped her in advance that Mummy would come in and wake her in the middle of the night and we would travel to the airport in the dark! As soon as I woke her (with bated breath at 3.30am in case she started roaring), she peeped out of the window to check if it was dark, and the excitement on her face was confirmation that I’d made the right decision to go!

 Sleepy eyes but smiling and ready for take-off!

Sleepy eyes but smiling and ready for take-off!

There were a few hairy moments at the airport as we waited to find out our gate for boarding … Phoebe just doesn’t have any patience! But thankfully with some persuasion and a new sticker magazine, she avoided meltdown! The Easyjet flight was less than an hour and all on time. I’d pre-booked our Stansted Express tickets and kept them in my handy wallet on my iPhone - we only needed tickets for mum and I, Phoebe was free. Hooray! I remember sitting on the train as we travelled into London and feeling so thankful for this experience. Phoebe munched on a croissant while cuddled in next to me as I read a story out of her magazine. So far, she had coped better than I anticipated and her excitement was growing by the minute to go and get her unicorn!

 A snapshot from a sweet little video my mum took (see full vid and more on my  insta-stories/highlights )

A snapshot from a sweet little video my mum took (see full vid and more on my insta-stories/highlights)

The train journey took just over an hour and then we were at Liverpool- Street Station. Armed with Google Maps in one hand and a Krispy Kreme donut in the other, we exited the station and onto the streets of London. It was busy, very busy - lots of people making their way into work. But we managed fine with the buggy and nipped into a Pret-A-Manger (they are everywhere!) next to the theatre to freshen up and change. So far, so good.


We arrived early to the Unicorn Theatre and were greeted by a lovely girl who directed us to where we needed to be. It was an absolute joy to watch Phoebe for the two hours that followed. Moments like those are moments that I will remember. She was captivated from start to finish. 

 Unicorn Theatre, Tooley St. London.

Unicorn Theatre, Tooley St. London.

Phoebe was treated to unicorn-styled hair, complete with pink spray and lots of glitter! She had no idea what on earth was going on at the start, but she soon settled in, began to relax and get her confidence. The girls did an amazing job on all the kiddo's hair ... I was quite envious until Phoebe suggested I get mine done too! I obliged but suggested to the girl that I'd have to walk around London AND get a flight with whatever style she created ... needless to say there was no colour, but two lovely little braids to match Phoebe. She was so chuffed!! 

 Phoebe's awesome hair!

Phoebe's awesome hair!

Next up was creating some magical unicorn glitter spray, having fun with gooey slime and making a cute little unicorn pot to bring home. Phoebe loves crafts and really enjoyed getting creative with decorating her spray. She wasn't so keen to get her hands in the slime - all talk though! 


After crafting, all the kids gathered in the middle of the room for a brilliant imaginative role-play session. They were expertly guided into a land of make-believe and I watched on proudly as Phoebe got caught up in the magical journey to the land of the unicorn ...


Then came the bit that Phoebe had been most excited for ... getting her very own Myla! She was bigger than I'd imagined she'd be, so we had to get the girls to cut her out of the box! There was no way we were bringing that box on the plane home! Phoebe immediately wanted to get trying Myla out anyway. A huge thank you to the girls who made sure Phoebe had a ball. 

 Wee red face after all the role-play!

Wee red face after all the role-play!

 Thanks girls!

Thanks girls!

Our original plan was to leave the theatre around 12 noon and get a bus/taxi to Covent Garden for lunch. However, the bus route that we had hoped to take was closed for the month of August and I could't work out if Uber would take a child in a buggy or had car seats available? I didn't want to order an Uber and then have to pay for their time if they arrived and weren't able to take Phoebe. So after 30 minutes of trying to get a taxi sorted we decided that we might just try walking instead. The route would take around 50 minutes and it was either walk or hang around the theatre and grab lunch somewhere. I had my heart set on visiting Neal's Yard Remedies in Covent Garden and mum had never been to CG before so we set off following Google Maps once again.   

It's amazing how children sense when you are stressed isn't it? As we passed a nearby bus stop, I hopped on to ask the driver if he knew of another bus that might take us the direction we wanted to go. One driver was useless and another just told us to have a nice walk! And unfortunately, because I had went onto the bus, of course Phoebe thought that meant we were all going on the bus. Cue total meltdown. She'd done so brilliantly up until now and this was make or break time. We still had about 3.5 hours before needing to head back to the station so we motored on, trying to avoid the sympathetic/horrified stares of passers by! The streets were busy, we were trying to navigate our way towards Covent Garden and Phoebe was getting worse. It got to a point where we pulled the buggy over and I took Myla off Phoebe, threatening to throw the toy in the bin if she didn't stop yelling and screaming. I explained (through gritted teeth) that she had had a great day with lots of fun and now it was Nanny and Mummy's turn, while also suggesting she might like to lie back with Myla and close her eyes for a little while. Thankfully she obliged and as I handed Myla back to her she lay down and we started to walk. Not 5 minutes later her eyes were closed and she was out. Cue sighs of relief and silent prayers of "thank you Lord!"


The rest of the journey to Covent Garden was actually quite pleasant! I also must thank the kind man who helped me lift the buggy (and sleeping Phoebe) up a flight of steps behind the Savoy - that would definitely have been a struggle for mum and I! As we neared CG I spied a coffee spot I'd seen on Instagram and made a beeline for it while missy moo was still snoozing. So glad I did - the place had a class vibe and the coffee was up there with some of the best I've had. Cheers Grind, you were just what this mama needed after that walk!

 That sign though.

That sign though.

Mum and I managed a very quick dander round a busy Covent Garden before Phoebe wakened. We were all starving so I decided a Shake Shack was the way to go ... turns out Phoebe doesn't like their burgers or their milkshake! There is little I hate more than spending money on food that Phoebe doesn't eat.

 My wee Mummy

My wee Mummy

Nevertheless, mum and I fuelled up before hitting my most favourite spot of the day ... NEAL'S YARD! It wasn't long after I booked the flights that it dawned on me I'd be able to visit the original Neal's Yard beside Covent Garden. It did NOT disappoint. Wow. The sun was shining and the courtyard was buzzing! I could have stayed here all day. Some day I'll come back and just sit and drink in the atmosphere. Maybe even steal a few hours in the Neal's Yard treatment rooms or attend some NY training - who knows?! But as a new consultant for Neal's Yard I'm not ashamed to say it kinda' feltlike Christmas came early!!

 Some spot!

Some spot!

 Phoebe getting in on some sampling action

Phoebe getting in on some sampling action

 Chillin' like a villain!

Chillin' like a villain!

 A sweaty mess here but SO HAPPY!

A sweaty mess here but SO HAPPY!

Our time in London was coming to an end and as we made our way back to the station I savoured the moment. This trip would not have been possible without Instagram. And I need to take a moment to publicly apologise for my winging and whining about Instagram this last wee while. It's been a personal problem. Not Instagram's. I've been really blessed to have gained such a thoughtful, kind and supportive following - one I do not take for granted. If you are reading this and you are new round these parts, or if you're reading and you've been here a while ... hear this ... I VALUE YOU. I APPRECIATE YOU. I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my blog, to like my content or have conversation with me. 

Back to our trip ... we made it back to Liverpool Street Station in good time and through security with more time to spare. Once again our travel was easy, everything was on time and we had no hiccups. God was so good to us. Phoebe was as excited about going home to show her Daddy and Granda her new toy as she was on the way there. 

 Still loving Myla on the train home

Still loving Myla on the train home

 Still smiling at 8pm despite being up from 3.30am! 

Still smiling at 8pm despite being up from 3.30am! 

 We made it home!

We made it home!

Finally, would I recommend flying to and from London in one day with a small child? Yes I would! As a parent, you know your own child and if you think they could handle it (or you have the opportunity for them to sleep during the day) then go for it! Yes, there were a few *moments* but that's normal. I actually came away from the experience a prouder mama and more inclined to be adventurous again. Witnessing Phoebe's joy in the moment was priceless, something I'll remember for a long time. So thank you Instagram, thank you Takumi and thank you VTech for making magic in London for our little Northern Irish babe.


* Disclaimer: This blog post is not sponsored, neither am I being paid to write it. I was paid solely for the promotional post of Myla on my Instagram grid. This post is merely a documentation of our day - something I can fondly look back on! All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own. *

Notes from the Battlefield - Part 1: Hearts & Minds

Faith, BloggingSteph DukeComment

Feeling stirred in my spirit to share a few thoughts that I’m having at the moment and shed a little light on where I’m at. As always, my aim through this blog is to share some of my own personal journey with you in the hope that it might be a virtual “me too”, an encouragement, or just words that help you feel like you aren’t alone. More and more through my little space online, I’m also trying to point to Christ and the hope I’ve found in knowing and trusting Him. But also trying to reassure you that I don’t have it all figured out and every single day I’m having to CHOOSE to work hard on that relationship. It’s a battle that on some days … I lose.

It’s ironic that I used the song “It is Well” on some of my Instagram stories this morning, specifically the lyrics, “It is well with my soul”. My soul did not feel well this morning. Another classic example of why social media projects images and lives that just aren’t reality. Posting that story this morning was an attempt by me to try and make things well. (I’m an expert at ‘trying’ and ‘doing’ but not finding the real solution to the problem.) A Neal’s Yard diffuser and worship music is certainly a good attempt at making things well - don’t get me wrong – but what I needed was to open my bible and start a conversation with God. (He is ALWAYS the solution to my problem.) I needed to come and sit next to Jesus and just ‘be’. I needed to stop striving, doing and trying, and to just talk to Him. To tell Him that I’m overwhelmed by the tasks, and feel weary from overthinking the battlefield tactics. My soul wasn’t well because I knew I wasn’t right with God.

When I finally did choose to sit a’while with Jesus (after a mama meltdown and some tears) I read several timely reminders that I want to share with you. The first was this:


‘The world tells us fulfilling every desire in every moment is a sign of happiness and freedom, but I can say from experience that ignoring spiritual disciplines leads to chains, not freedom.’

She Reads Truth Bible notes p.1920


I’m just home from a busy but lovely week of holidaying with family and hosting my very first spiritual retreat. I feel a bit like I’d ‘escaped’ my battlefield for a week – let me explain.

Most of you know that since quitting my teaching job I’ve been navigating this new road. It’s a road I never expected to be on and one I feel unprepared for! I’d trained to be a teacher - I did the lesson plans and prepped the schemes of work. But marriage, motherhood, writing/curating/maintaining blogs, creating social media content, leading retreats … NONE of these do I feel prepared for. And that’s ok. It’s just the control-freak in me that drives me to try and achieve levels of perfectionism that aren’t healthy, and to try and tick all the boxes before I feel like I can perform a task.

But out on the battlefield there’s no time for that. There’s no time to look around at how everyone else is winning or losing. No time to make sure my ‘I’s  are dotted and ‘T’s crossed. There’s no time to focus on the futile or fickle things of this world – things like striving for personal-approval online or vanity. Time is running out. Life is too short to get all caught up in my head and forget to see the bigger picture … and God’s perspective.

Lately I’ve felt all bogged down in all kinds of stuff. As I push further into where I feel God calling me, I’ve noticed the battleground changing and the enemy attacking. As I step up a level, the level of attack increases and I’ve never felt quite so exposed. No more exposed than I do in my own mind. And at the moment it’s the place I feel I’m having to battle the most. I’ve said before that the enemy’s greatest tactic is to keep us distracted by ourselves. In our preoccupation, we aren’t advancing for the Kingdom.

We stall.

And the enemy loves that.

Once we are preoccupied, his work is done.

We do the rest.

In my mind I am my worst critic. I say things to myself that I’d never say to someone else. I’ll be your best supporter and encourager, but never as kind to myself. I analyse and criticise myself to such an extent that it starts to get ridiculous. I need to cut myself some slack. I’ve been on the most incredible journey over this past year discovering who I am in Christ. I’ve received some beautiful promises and prophetic words over my life. And what do I do? Instead of resting in God’s faithfulness, I focus on my own failings. Instead of walking in his love, I still try to walk my own way, listen to my own voice. This is why I keep letting the enemy win. Why is it so much easier for us to give in to doubt and fear, instead of resting in His love and hope? Why is it easier to be distracted instead of devoted?!

As I arrived home I felt really challenged about my own level of devotion. I spent last weekend speaking to some amazing women when I was really speaking to and challenging myself. Another timely reminder on devotion popped into my inbox this week from


“As soon as [we] wake, there is a war to keep [us] from the word of God. Fight! This is a daily, constant war for me (author). When I got married, and when I had children, the war got harder.”


As I read through this article I began to realise that the battle isn’t rooted in my mind, but it’s a battle that begins with my heart. Where do my true affections lie? What is my joy? The author continues:


“What are my affections in? If my affections are in my sleep, then I’m going to treasure sleep over the world. If they are in my time, then my time is going to be preeminent over the preeminent one. It’s helpful to identify things that are legitimately good things and opportunities for leisure that [we’ve] made an idol in many ways. What’s at stake is [us] and Jesus being good. If [we’re] not delighting in the word of God, then most likely [we’re] not delighting in God himself.”


The challenge is love: to love the Lord with ALL my heart, with ALL my soul, with ALL my strength. The battle isn’t lost when we wake up more interested in Instagram* than God’s word – it has just begun. My prayer for this week is that I will be too devoted to be distracted. I will fight hard. I will fight long. The victory is already mine, won at the cross, paid for in blood. When all seems lost and when I fail time and time again, I will NOT FORGET.  

* Link to an honest post about Instagram I wrote back in February.