“Motherhood looks good on you.”
Said a sweet friend today.
And I wept.
Tears of joy and gratitude cascaded down my face as I Iet those beautiful words sink deep into my sprit.
MOTHERHOOD LOOKS GOOD ON ME.
Yesterday I posted on Instagram about feeling like a bad mum. And I genuinely did feel that way. I could have made better choices and mistakes were made. I ended up feeling all kinds of “eugh” as I reflected on the day. Some lovely friends threw their hands up with a “me too” and with their encouragement I woke grateful for new graces and mercies this morning!
With a thankful heart and a fresh perspective, I walked into today. Now, as I sit, toes warming by the stove, with a cuppa and freshly baked banana bread by my side, I’m completely overwhelmed with thankfulness. If I was still in my job, today could never have happened.
What makes today so special?
From the outside, today wasn’t anything spectacular! But for me, everything about this day - this average Wednesday - felt ... wonderful. Ever since I made the decision to quit my job I’ve felt a peace that I can’t quite describe. Today though, the peace has felt more real, almost tangible to touch, like I’ve been in the flow and riding the wave with ease!
I never thought I’d be a “stay-at-home-mum” - my goodness - not in a million years! I just didn’t think it was for me. In my early 20s and totally naive - I 100% thought I’d climb the career ladder. That was until the moment Phoebe was placed into my arms and my world as I knew it was tipped upside down! The moment I became a mother, everything changed. A new mantle was placed upon my shoulders and I became instantly aware of my newfound calling and responsibilities. I was a mum. And so my motherhood ministry began.
As the big 30 approaches, and as I begin a new season of mothering as a SAHM, I’m recognising and savouring the special season of life I’m in. These days are fleeting. The bad days and the good ones, like today. Every single second counts. Today I felt truly in the flow of mothering. While Phoebe was at playgroup I did some admin and planned for dinner. I nipped out for a few ingredients and picked up a Kinder Egg for a little surprise for Phoebe coming out of school. (Those little eggs were one of my absolute favourite treats as a child!)
Once home, the stove was lit and we enjoyed some croissants and pastries for lunch. This was closely followed by hot chocolates and keeping warm by the fire while the snow fell outside. (It is National Hot Chocolate Day after all!) We dawned our aprons (mini and mama) and prepped the ingredients for @strandandstipes Mayflower Chicken Curry. This was the first time I’d ever used a slow-cooker and I have to admit, the ease with which dinner was made and the aroma wafting through the house all afternoon was convincing enough! I felt a strange sort of satisfaction while the curry slowly bubbled away. A contentedness and a peace that, without any more effort, dinner would be ready when Matt got home. With the freedom knowing dinner was sorted, Phoebe and I turned our hands to bake our favourite loaf - banana bread.
We were relaxed and happy, no rush, no stress, no angst. Dinner was slowly cooking. We were slowly baking. It was bliss. The simplest of afternoons, the simplest of activities, yet I felt such joy. This is where I’m meant to be. Right now. These days. This nurturing and home-making role is suiting me. And I just can’t believe it. Like I said earlier, this is not how I pictured myself as I turn 30. Yet here I am and this motherhood “looks good on me.”
It’s timely that today marks the close of January’s door. A month that held great anticipation for me as I took the leap of faith to leave my job and step into new ventures. The new venture has yet to be unveiled and there’s a timing in that too. It’s being carefully and thoughtfully curated, making sure it is exactly what it’s meant to be. I’ve just jumped out of the boat and it’s ok to be treading water a little while - taking in the scenery and enjoying the sun - before jumping into a new boat! The biggest part of my new ministry is mothering - I need to be mothering well at home, before I can help other mums. So as February approaches and I now feel settled in my new routine, one that keeps me more at home, more present and more intentional, my heart begins to beat a little faster at the exciting things I know are coming. New waves of opportunity are rolling in, I can see them in the distance and I’m going to be ready!
What are the simple joys in your current season? I do hope you can find some?! I’m being intentional and starting each day with a grateful heart. I have so much to be thankful for. Please don’t get me wrong though, although things might seem a certain way (through the eyes of IG for example) things aren’t all rosy. Since quitting my job, we have and are continually making sacrifices financially. I have lost a significant, full-time, teacher wage - nearly half of our monthly earnings! It’s not an easy road ahead for us. But having the peace I feel every single day about the decision I made makes a huge difference.
Personally, my own quality of life and my family’s quality of life has reaped the benefits of me being more present at home. Also, me being more present as a mother has made some significant and visible changes. My own lovely mum noticed a change in how I deal with Phoebe’s tantrums. I’m not parenting from a place of stress or angst and I’m not continually out of patience or at the end of my tether any more. I’m parenting from a place of rest and calm, a place of gratitude and honour, a place where I’m savouring the seconds of being fortunate enough to be “present.” But, this was not an easy choice to make. Choosing to be “present” came at great cost. I can’t emphasise that enough. Yet, God whispered to the person He knew I would become and I listened. And today, that soft voice whispered again, affirming that, “Yes – Motherhood does indeed look good on you.” I know that there will be some who think I’m crazy, giving up a full-time, permanent teaching post; but if the Lord speaks, I’d be denying everything that I believe in, to go and disobey Him. Today was a little head nod, a thumbs up, a “you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing” – I’ll take that affirmation and enjoy knowing that I’m right where I’m needed. I’ve a heart to serve and I’ll do it in whatever way and wherever I’m needed!
Bless you for reading!